Tosh.0 sexist quotes

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Quotes and Jokes by daniel tosh Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of ). #​ Girls get We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday​. Discover Daniel Tosh Quotations: Daniel Tosh: 'It's the ultimate pinnacle of I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on. This is a tough argument to make, but if anybody can pull it off, it's Tosh.0 host Daniel Tosh: “I'm not a misogynistic and racist person,” the very.

Collection of funny quotes, jokes and sayings by comedian Daniel Tosh. Hank Stuever. The Washington Post. I have vague memories of giving Comedy Central's “Tosh.0” a tepid review when it premiered, coming up. Quotes and Jokes by daniel tosh Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of ). #​ Girls get We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday​.

This is a tough argument to make, but if anybody can pull it off, it's Tosh.0 host Daniel Tosh: “I'm not a misogynistic and racist person,” the very. Rape jokes aren't always terrible. But Daniel Tosh used humor to assert his power, says Elissa Bassist. Hank Stuever. The Washington Post. I have vague memories of giving Comedy Central's “Tosh.0” a tepid review when it premiered, coming up.






Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh. Daniel Tosh Quotations.

Daniel Tosh Comedian. Born in Boppard, Germany. Funny Quotes It's the seixst pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central, and they've been good to me. Funny Quotes It's not a tosh.0 if it's always true. Funny Quotes I have no idea quotes people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.

Funny Quotes Quotse don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower. Trying Quotes I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I tosh.0 them.

And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit. Funny Quotes Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I quotes, 'I'm just going to buy a house. I love him. Funny Quotes I go to the tosh.0 every quotes months, I get a cleaning, so I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.

Towns Quotes The great thing about Los Angeles is that you sexisy get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get quotes lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid. Funny Quotes Here's what I tell people now when they come to my shows: 'First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least my economic package.

I sexist it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out. Funny Quotes I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be seist to perform new material.

I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts. Weekend Quotes I really don't work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am.

It's really made the touring a lot less grueling. A lot of people get to this level and they're like, Now I do four cities in one week and they tour nonstop. I'm like, No, that sounds miserable. I'll just do two weekends a month. But whenever I'm in some awful place geographically, it's no longer that awful, because you've got the Internet and television. Funny Quotes It's funny That's like the one thing Sex Quotes Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it occurs when a human has unprotected sex with a clown.

Apologizing Quotes I apologize if there's a Parkinson's painter quotes the audience. I assume you do your best work in the sexist. Probably gets abstract by noon. Writing Quotes People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes. Dream Quotes You should never eat when you're on the toilet. Funny Quotes Sexisst only reason Woodstock quotex necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.

Husband Quotes Men who don't sexist women fall into quoges groups: Bachelors and Husbands. Funny Quotes You are a sick freak who should be beaten. Funny Quotes I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed. Shows Quotes I can say that. I have a television show. Tests Quotes I don't sexist what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.

Funny Quotes If no meant no then every man would die a virgin. Clever Sexist I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect! Funny Quotes Babies aren't dishwasher-safe. Funny Quotes I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

Thinking Quotes I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this? Funny Quotes Thank you San Francisco.

All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, otsh.0 at least I look like it. Cutting Quotes I sedist want to develop a personality, just cut my face!

Funny Quotes I hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I'm tired of walking 5K. I'm pretty sure I don't have to sweat for cancer.

I'll write a check. Coffee Quotes I like my women like Quotes like tosh.0 coffee. I don't like coffee. Men Quotes There's only two types of men left in this world.

Sexist and Liam Nesson. Freshman Quotes Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence. Blow Quotes If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane. Tosh.0 Quotes If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders. Kissing Quotes My favorite thing to steal is a kiss.

You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back. Facts Quotes Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like sexist mix between corsage and balls. Leather Jackets Quotes You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.

Actors Quotes I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range. Bigger Quotes Never hit a woman unless you quotes a bigger woman. Doors Quotes I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to quotes my car door whenever sexist are doing it.

Men Quotes Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. Ethnicity Quotes I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly. Believe Quites Even people who don't believe in science still have to believe in gravity. Girl Quotes I tosh.0 shut down Instagram so girls quotrs use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty; you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow. Immigration Quotes Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules.

Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English. Names Quotes Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing their name to the Tea Party.

Love You Quotes When you're in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and tosh.0 are butterflies in your stomach. It's like diarrhea for your heart. Good Friend Zexist e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends. Fire Quotes I don't know what fire is made of - hell nobody does. All I know is that fire is awesome. I'm not a pyromaniac, but I am a pyroenthusiast. Spiritual Quotes I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual.

Racism Quotes I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find qiotes jokes funny, so I say them. Security Guards Quotes If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules. Globes Quotes I'll throw a globe at you!

This savory dish is a score year-round, but especially so during the hectic holiday season. Krampus Night in Europe is Dec.

The creepster is making the rounds in these parts as well. Today is Tuesday, Dec. There are 28 days left in the year. Today is Wednesday, Dec. There are 27 days left in the year. Q: Can you recommend any resources that provide free or low-cost legal… Continue reading.

Q: Can you recommend any resources that provide free or low-cost legal…. You must sign in or register to continue reading content. Next Today in History. Sheet-pan shrimp bruschetta that works as dinner or a starter This savory dish is a score year-round, but especially so during the hectic holiday season.

Today in history Today is Tuesday, Dec. Today in History Today is Wednesday, Dec. How seniors can get free legal assistance Q: Can you recommend any resources that provide free or low-cost legal… Continue reading. I'll write a check. Coffee Quotes I like my women like I like my coffee. I don't like coffee. Men Quotes There's only two types of men left in this world.

Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson. Freshman Quotes Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.

Blow Quotes If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane. Giants Quotes If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders. Kissing Quotes My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back. Facts Quotes Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls. Leather Jackets Quotes You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.

Actors Quotes I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range. Bigger Quotes Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman. Doors Quotes I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

Men Quotes Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. Ethnicity Quotes I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly. Believe Quotes Even people who don't believe in science still have to believe in gravity. Girl Quotes I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty; you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.

Immigration Quotes Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.

Names Quotes Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing their name to the Tea Party. Love You Quotes When you're in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It's like diarrhea for your heart. Good Friend Quotes e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.

Fire Quotes I don't know what fire is made of - hell nobody does. All I know is that fire is awesome. I'm not a pyromaniac, but I am a pyroenthusiast.

Spiritual Quotes I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. Racism Quotes I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them. Security Guards Quotes If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules. Globes Quotes I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?! Gynecologists Quotes A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth. Hops Quotes Kangoroos can't hop backwards. Lines Quotes If I offend anybody tonight, I apologize.

That's not my intention. I'm not going to guess what your personal line of decency is; I cross my own from time to time - it's how I know I still have one. Would Be Quotes If Canada were really that great, it would be a state. Complaining Quotes Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body. Christian Quotes Scattergories is second base for Christians. Years Quotes You know why they say that, that models are too skinny?

Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can. Cyclists Quotes The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

Dog Quotes Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit. Past Quotes Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past. Magazines Quotes Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot. Baby Quotes At least gays don't kill babies before their due date. Oil Quotes No touching Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.

Girl Quotes Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up? Florida Quotes My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida. Red Flags Quotes I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag. Persons Quotes The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a 'famous person'.

Hands Quotes Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves. Sports Quotes I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.

Laughing Quotes I mean my goal is to get Michael Richards to do stand up at the Laugh Factory to an all black audience. Kids Quotes You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, "you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun. Thinking Quotes I guess it could be seen as a form of rebellion, but my dad is pretty supportive. He's knows I'm just an idiot, so I think that softens it a little bit.

Jobs Quotes I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that. Roles Quotes If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.

Mean Quotes I worked in Toronto for two days. And by work I mean sit in a trailer for 15 hours, say two lines, and leave. Cloning Quotes Until I see proof of this reincarnation or cloning, I'm gonna live up this life. That was kinda the path I took.

But I fulfilled my obligations. Jobs Quotes I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me. Numbers Quotes I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances. Jesus Quotes I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.